41-year-old unemployed boyfriend tells 25-year-old girlfriend who works 3 jobs he doesn't ever want to be an employee again: 'His mother covers all his living expenses.'

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Senior Editor
Nov 10, 2025 8:00 PM EST

He literally brings nothing to the table, and yet he's still eating.

Nothing makes you less tolerant of lazy adults than being responsible for supporting one. If you wake up at 6 AM every day, drive an hour to work and back, and spend your whole day working hard, there's a good chance you'll feel a little resentful of your partner if they spend all day in bed and don't even bother to unload the dishwasher.

Tensions often arise when one partner is unemployed and the other becomes the sole source of income. Things can get intense, even when the unemployed partner is doing everything possible to find a new job. Imagine being in a relationship with someone who does no child rearing and brings not a morsel of income to the table, and never really has. You'd probably get frustrated supporting their unemployment for longer than a couple of months.

There will always be adults who, because of illness or a past work accident, cannot work full-time and need to be supported financially. However, there's no reason for a 41-year-old who can work not to work. It's not good for him, and it's not good for anyone around him. 

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  • Man with glasses smiling outdoors
    via Elliott Colburn

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.


     

  • The boyfriend in this story needs to become an ex-boyfriend pronto. He is an aspiring small businessman who struggles to follow through on any business ideas he comes up with, and he has been living off his 25-year-old girlfriend and his mother while he wastes away. Did I mention he's literally 41 years old?

  • My (F25) Boyfriend (M41) says he’s “done being an employee”?

    I've been with my boyfriend for three years. I'm in college and recently started juggling three flexible part-time jobs to support myself.
    via u/Ok_Decision6446
  • He's in his 40s and hasn't had a steady job since we met. He spends most of his days at home "working on" new business ideas, but none have ever taken off.
    via u/Ok_Decision6446
  • Close up of creative marketing team brainstorming while working on new business project in the office
    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • His mother covers all his living expenses. He's kind to me and we occasionally fight, as in any other relationship, but the situation really bothers me.
    via u/Ok_Decision6446
  • He still insists on paying when we go out, and we split groceries about 70/30 since I usually cook and he eats a lot of protein.
    via u/Ok_Decision6446
  • But every time I bring up that he could at least get a part-time job for some structure and income, he shuts it down.
    via u/Ok_Decision6446
  • He says he doesn't ever want to be an employee again, that he's following his plan, and that maybe he just "isn't successful enough" for me if I can't accept it.
    via u/Ok_Decision6446
  • He talks about wanting to start a family soon, and I honestly don't understand with what money.
    via u/Ok_Decision6446
  • I even asked him if he expects me to support us when I graduate, since my field pays well, and he said no, but I remember him once mentioning that his ex ended up supporting them at the end of their relationship.
    via u/Ok_Decision6446
  • I'm torn. I love him, but I can't shake the feeling that I'm building a future alone while he's waiting for something that might never happen.
    via u/Ok_Decision6446
  • ETA: Thank you all for validating my concerns. The way he'd always justify his lack of employment never sat right, but I didn't want to bruise his ego, because he himself admitted that he is unhappy with his current circumstances.
    via u/Ok_Decision6446
  • Regarding people asking about my relationship with his mum: her and I really like each other and don't have any issues whatsoever.
    via u/Ok_Decision6446
  • Two women standing next to each other under a tree
    via Ben Iwara (Unsplash+)

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • After realising that she is supporting him financially I felt really sad for her and can't help think that it's elder abuse... He does clean after himself and can cook for himself, so it's not like he actually is a man baby.
    via u/Ok_Decision6446
  • Quite honestly I don't know how to break it to him that his unemployment is a turn off.
    via u/Ok_Decision6446
  • We do have a good time when we are together, and I feel like he will turn the table and say that it's me that is the problem for not believing in him.
    via u/Ok_Decision6446
  • mightymite88 This is exactly why he targeted a 22 year old. No women his own age would tolerate this man baby. Hopefully you realize soon hes a waste of time and he took advantage of you being naive and hopeful. Have some standards.
    via u/mightymite88
  • Anxious_Reporter_601 So he's a bum. I cannot imagine being 41 and intentionally letting my parents pay for my life, not due to illness or hardship but just because I "don't want a job". I don't know how you have any respect for him at all. You're more of an adult at 25 than he is at nearly twice your age, that's embarrassing.
    via u/Anxious_Reporter_601
  • Ivl99slayer What even attracted you to 40 year old man who has no job and relies on his mom to pay for everything?
    via u/Ivl99slayer
  • Piilootus So when you ask him if he expects you to support him and he says no, do you not ask any more questions? Because if he can say no, then surely he can offer you an alternative plan. I think he's thinking finances will be 50/50. Half from you, half from his mom.
    via u/Piilootus
  • kerfy15 why do you think he targeted a 22 year old at the time? women his age won't put up with this shit. decide if you want to be his bank card for the rest of your life.
    via u/kerfy15
  • Artaxerxes812 You're dating a 41 yo bum who lives off his mom. Why?
    via u/Artaxerxes812
  • Realistic_Physics 905 Do NOT tie yourself to a loser like this. No marriage, no kids, get out now while it's easy.
    via u/Realistic_Physics
  • Kiss_my_axe_RR You're dating a man child who is still living off his mother at 41! Face it, he isnt going to get a job. So unless you want to become his mother when his mother passes away where you are the sole income earner for the household. Then wake up and smell the roses. You clearly have drive and ambition and this man child is going to be a noose around your neck until you have the guts to just walk away.
    via u/Kiss_my_axe_RR

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Tags

boyfriend long term relationship 40s jobs mamas-boy mother working relationships girlfriend mom unemployment 20s unemployed toxic relationship college student
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